“No, when you order at the counter, no. You don't have to tip. It's only when someone serves you at the table that a tip is somehow due. In that case, leave at least 15%.”
It was 2001, and my friend Don, also a colleague at the time, had very kindly offered to show me around the streets of San Francisco. At the time, I was a tourist and didn't even suspect that twenty years later I too would become an American.
That day I took my first steps into the world of "tipping", or how to give tips left and right without appearing wise, but not even naive.
Don's Advice and the European Perspective on Tipping
Don's advice at the time was invaluable. And it was obviously correct...for the time! Because today, things are no longer exactly that way.
Tip Jar – the tip jar
As Italians—but let's also say as Europeans—the idea of a 15 or 20% surcharge on goods and services seems like a real abuse to us, but we also understand that this is how it works here in America. After all, when you are in Rome, do as the Romans do the English speakers say, and Different countries, different people, more prosaically we say in Italy. So, when we're in the US, to avoid appearing stingy, we give in to the idea of paying a generous tip, regardless of how much we enjoyed what we ate. After all, and purely by way of example, isn't it the waiter's fault if the chef thinks oregano in the ice cream is a nice touch to the menu?
The challenge of tipping at the bar
The situation is different when we order at the counter. While tipping the person who served us all evening has its justification, adding $5 to the bill to someone who simply handed us a barely edible sandwich from behind the counter would make us look like novices who throw money away without thinking.
And this is where the problem begins, the moment when the deviation from the excellent advice Don gave me twenty years ago becomes visible.
The evolution of tipping
Tipping has evolved in recent years, and even Americans are confused, and in many cases, angry, about the direction tipping is taking. The idea that a tip is only due if a waiter has served us—and done so with care and enthusiasm—has long since faded. Even with poor service, an American waiter expects 20% or more. Not tipping them sends the message, "I felt so badly treated that I think you should give me my money back!" It's not done. I myself was having dinner with my family the other day. They were incredibly slow and messed up the orders. In the end, I "only" tipped 15%, but not tipping at all? There must be a reason serious enough to make you scream, "I want to talk to the manager!"“
Technology and the Tipping Dilemma
But let's get back to the counter. Until recently, the clerk behind the counter taking your orders simply had to tell you how much you'd spent and then have you collect the money or swipe your card. Now, thanks to technology and COVID-19, they've switched to a different protocol. The cashier announces the price and then holds the tablet up to you to complete the credit card transaction. But the tablet doesn't simply tell you the price. That's too easy. The screen will show you how much to tip with a single click. What you can no longer do (at least not with a single click) is decline the tip. The options will be something like 15, 20, and 25%. If you want to tip zero, you have to click the "custom" button and explicitly choose to tip zero. You'll need to be strong here because the person you're tipping for is right there in front of you, and it's him (or her) you'll have to deny. Being cheap becomes difficult when the victim with your short hand is standing 2 feet away, looking you in the eye. Suddenly, you have a full-blown moral dilemma to resolve in a split second.
My solution
How do we resolve this issue? Should we tip or not? And if so, how should we decide how much to tip on a case-by-case basis? I'll tell you how I resolve this dilemma shortly, but first, let's discuss the issue from a broader perspective, without getting caught up in emotions. The basic question is: why are Americans asked to leave a tip?
In the US, many people working in the service sector, such as waiters, taxi drivers, and hotel staff, often earn relatively low base wages. Tips thus become an essential component of their overall income, helping them support themselves and their families. This is one of the underlying problems. The employer assumes the worker will receive tips and can therefore make low wages attractive. Leaving a tip, therefore, is the way to pay the true price of the goods or services. For an Italian, this is something that I'm voting for the Communist Refoundation Party now. If you want to be an entrepreneur, pay decent wages and don't be a pain in the ass..
Indeed, pitting the interests of the employee against those of the customer, as is done in the US, is a distorted attitude for a European. That said, the IRS—the US Internal Revenue Service—assumes that tips are given, and if this isn't the case, you're under scrutiny. By law, tips are taxed, and therefore the average American has no problem with the concept of leaving a 20% for the waiter who served them at a restaurant.
But that's not all. Leaving a tip has always been a way to recognize good service. It's a practice rooted in American culture and serves as positive feedback for workers, incentivizing them to maintain high service standards. In many parts of the US, the expectation that customers leave a tip is cultural. Failure to do so can be seen as a violation of social norms and interpreted as dissatisfaction with the service received.
Of course, a waiter who brought us food can only serve a limited number of tables, but why should the guy behind the counter taking our orders deserve a tip? Furthermore, I still don't know if the food I'll be receiving in a few minutes will actually be delicacies, or if I'll regret patronizing that place that day. What basis should I base a tip on?
Here's what I do. If I'm seated and a waiter has treated me with respect, the tip will be 20%. It's difficult for me to give more. A fifth seems like a lot to me. On the other hand, it's also difficult for me to give less. Did they make me wait too long? Did the waiter get my order wrong? Was the waiter rude? Okay, in that case I could lower the tip to 15%, but no less. It's more likely that I'll promise myself I'll leave a negative review on Google or Yelp if something really goes wrong. That's what restaurateurs feel. But I rarely do it, out of respect for those who start a business and have the right to make a few missteps without being pilloried.
Tipping at the Bar: The Return of the Dollar in Tip Jars
It's a different story when I order standing. There's no particular service to safeguard. In that case, when the cashier points the tablet at me and it's set up to give generous tips with a click, then I stop and think: I click on Custom and then I add a dollar or two as a tip. In practice, I recreate the situation from before, much earlier, when a dollar or two was left as a tip in the cashier's office. tip jar, the glass bottle with a few dollars inside to indicate that tips were welcome. The people behind the bar understand what I do and generally appreciate it. Evidently they also know that a 20% tip in that circumstance would be excessive and that they didn't do enough to deserve it.
